i m back ,, back to the place i made the choice to be... gujarat...
its different... its different from whr i belong.. but different doesnt mean bad or good.. its simply different..
but my heart is lying thr.. i m worried bout my house... since mom is not thr.. i dont know how dad n brothers r figuring out thgs... being the only lady of the house i was atleast handling soemthg... but now since i m not thr i m really worried...
i miss my frds... i miss it all.. thr i used to wake up at 5... and party endlessly...here even at 7 i m like a lil more... thr i wass sleep deprived... now i m so sleepy... thr was no though i m back to the books now... but yeah i miss the classes.. i miss my car... i miss my mirror... i miss my brother's t shirts... i miss cooking exclusively for him... i miss being a mom to him at every beck n call on which my frds tell me,,,abhilasha u r pampering him way too much... he is five years younger to u..u shud make him work for u...
yesterday wen he called me how to make a toast... i felt so helpless..i wish i wud have got my lil brother as my dahej... i wish i had some magical powers... but yeah i know they ll manage... the way they were wen i was not thr... god make me go normal...

came late
dad calling, bro calling, M calling...
mom called in between... cousin told her i m out to fetch somethg...
lil bro texted me.. dont ring the door bell... gimme a call i ll open it..
drove like a maniac..
reached home...
tip toed to the room...
changed in seconds..
promised myself nvr to be that late...
(promises r meant to be broken)


PS: awsome party!!! kasbah rocks!!

thr is always a fear in 'new'...

the known even if not that good is still tolerable..

the known even if not that pleasant give us happiness gives a feeling of security..

to dive into unknown is full of fear...

any new path comes wid apprehensions.. but to evolve its necessary to strive ... the thg to understd is ,the way u r living, is it right.. or u should take a stand... a stand for the new avenues.. u have nothing to lose.. the past didnt give u wat u looked for... so nothing is thr in it.. the new might not be that fruitful as well... but sure, it gives a hope..it mite turn out to be fruitful..the new mite not gimme wat i look for.. as it is not dependent on the path.. but on the one who is walking on it...

start the change.. start it now... from outside... it ll seep inside... u have nothing to lose for sure...

the old has given just nothing..keep on searching..... searching.....

u have to trust someone... anyone who has gone thru the same.. my heart is turning into a revolutionary... been thr done dat.. is it... may be... my mind is just full of the past... my mind doesnt have a future.. my mind stays in a morgue... my heart is full of confidence..my mind is so calculative... so manipulative.. hey abhi! dont listen to ur mind.. it ll ruin u... get up and get going.. dive into the unknown..

go into the endless search.. no matter how much u r afraid... keep striving... be brave..

it ll give u pain i know... it ll try to pull u back.. i know... but u have to pay the price for the priceless...

its 12:15 or so...for someone like me who prefers to go off to sleep by 10 , its pretty late.

thr is somethg bothering me... bothering is it... i dont know...i just closed my eyes.. n i saw all of them who matter to me the most... my family.. my frds

i saw all of them standing around me.. almost encircling me... but not standing close to me...

at a little distance away from me....

at this very moment m feeling detached to everyone.. for me.. its always 'us' or 'we'... but i m feeling so all of myself ... my mom is not looking like a mother to me.. dad not like my dad... they r all looking like individuals who matter to me the most.. irrespective of the relation i share wid them... i saw my brothers as well

i dont know... m i feeling lonely.. or m i feeling alone... i want to hold on to dem.. but i m not able to... have i grown up is it... watevr it is.. i m not liking it... but this is the reality... i think a reality that i always ran away from... everyone moves on.. so do i... i think its time for me to get out of the centre... n to make a way for myself... to be on my own... to love dem n everythg else... but need to be an 'i' now... detached attachment...is it...

just want to keep it simple... i love dem... n i know even they wud love to see me all by myself...

nvr wanted to... but its time to grow up!!!...time to be an individualist... me not making sense.. i know!!!...

PS- scribbled by a sleep deprived person!!..